my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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