I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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