But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
