OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I pour the whiskey from now on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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