I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
