just come out here and I will go home with you...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
