she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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