and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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