Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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