Can i not drive my cunt home
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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