yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
