How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
