why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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