Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
