I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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