Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
worst night to have a conscience
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches