I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party