Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
