sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.