I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period