yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style