I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
