the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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