I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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