I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
