My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
