so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
