I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
