But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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