Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
