I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
