just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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