Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
