Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
