she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.