you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please