My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.