hell yes lets make some ravioli
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
