I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
