whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
