Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
