I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
