that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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