I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
