Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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