new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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