My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
