why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so let's talk penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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