420 ftw
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
