so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
