my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize