theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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