She said her name was "party"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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