"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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