Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
