so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
