DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
