I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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