I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Pooping to opera.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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