I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Randomize
