So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
