Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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