we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
