I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
