i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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