Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
