I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
