He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
