There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
