____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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