1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
