apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
