he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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