Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
