she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
